.Wednesday, August 29, 2007 ' 11:56 PM Y
Wei...and...Ting
I know...its my fault....
Everything is my fault...
My fault to reject u all asking me out in the first place....
My fault that i didnt study for O lvls...
My fault that im in ITE....
My fault for feeling extra...
My fault for blogging...
My fault for posting that...
My fault for not facing u all...
I didnt know wat i will say when i face u all...
Wat can i say??
I'm not saying i'm blaming u all for all this...
I also at fault...cuz i REJECTED u all...
I was busy when im in year 1...
and now, im busier cuz i got that idiotic FYP...
I need to be FYP cuz i WANNA GET INTO POLY!!!!
U all were in poly...
U cant blame me for thinking that im extra....
Being in such a big group, nelgect of some members is inevitable....
I know...
But, i juz cant help thinking that im extra...
Seeing u all being so close together....
Mayb im juz jealous of u all being so close...
You think i wanna have that feeling??
Im juz like an outsider looking at u all being so happy...
During that time..im having problems with hy....sch work...sch environment and my family stuffs...
Plus, how i was being kind of treated...like that time...
Went to east coast if i nv rmb wrongly...or even i rmb wrongly, i rmb its in MRT...
Is it so difficult to call me and tell me which cabin u all at??
I waited like dunno how long...
All i got from cy is...the train is moving off liao...
and u all wait for me at bedok, simei or pasir ris....(cant rmb)...
U know how it feels....
Still rmb, ur birthday kerk....
Tats the worse experience i ever get...
Thats the incident which i was so angry with...
Im like...total lost!!!!
U know how i feel when i only got to know that u all celebrating at town when i called CY...
Im like.........nvm...
And, my birthday....
Okay, mayb i shouldnt be so ji jiao...
But, its like really different treating...
Since, sab that time the birthday....
Rmb??the one that u got a skate-board???
After that, not saying that the presents u got me are cheap or watever...
But, its like...i dun feel that u all are sincere at all...
Its like u all got me the present for the sick of getting me one...
You know why i seldom get u all presents???
Cuz i know...all ur birthdays would be very memorable to u all....
due to the planning...or watever...or maybe...
ITS DUE TO MY OVER-SENSITIVE again....
Ya, talking abt all this...and u all reading all this...
U all would think that...i should voice out...
Over-sensitive...etc....or u all are juz like...wat the fuck wenting!!!
I dunno....
(Cy, ys... i know how well u both treat me...i know this yr the present from ys and lien..i really appreciate...i will always rmb wat u both gave me...and im sorry i didnt get u both anything at all cuz i was kind of not myself at that period of time)
Ya, mayb like wat kerk said...
I'm over-sensitive....thinking too much....etc
U wanna try being in ITE....
Only when i go to all ur blog once in a time den i know wat is happening to u all...
After reading all ur post....u know how it feels???
Imagine, u need to rely on post in order to know wat ur good frenz are doing...
Seeing u all so close....looking at the happy photos u all took...
You know how nelgected i feel??
I know u all tried to make me feel in the group...
But, somehow i juz feel that its like u all are juz ke lian wo....
And, when im out with u all..sometimes..the things that u all say.... I dun even understand...
Den, wat u want me to do....
I juz sit there and listen la...
Now, im rushing my projects...
I wanna get into POLY!!!
U know how much that means to me...
JUZ TO GET INTO POLY!!!!
Kerk, after reading ur tag....
I feel kind of agitated....
Im not angry with u....
I'm juz....i dunno how to explain....
Now, the more i dun feel like meeting u all....
But, why now get so agitated???
None of this happen last time....
Seems like everyone is very agitated by my post....
i know u all wanna meet up and settle this mess i made.....
But, i dunno how to face u all...and i duno wat to say to all of u....
I didnt wan u all to help me clean up this mess i made....
U all can dun bother...
I know u all bother cuz
MAYBE its becuz u all still treat me as sister,
MAYBE its becuz u all think that im blaming u all and im juz being ridiculous... unreasonable...
MAYBE u all juz wanna voice out...Etc....
i dunno...
All, i can say now is....
Im sorry to cause so much commotion....
I didnt know that juz one post from me...can make u all so worked up...
Cuz, i tot no one can be bothered about me anymore....
After reading all this that i typed... i feel that its kind of pointless...
Cuz...i dunno how to explain also...
I mayb risking ending the friendship among the 8 of us....
You all may feel that im no longer the last time wenting...
But, i really dun wanna bother abt all this anymore...
Cuz, i really dunno how to tell u all how i feel...
And, if i were to continue...
It would be like digging the past things out to say which is kind of pointless...
And, mayb everything that i said above is all bull shit to u all...
And, can i know...by meeting me...wat do u all wanna talk to me abt??
I dun mind meeting u all...
I juz wanna let u all know...
I wont talk much...when i am meeting u alll...
Cuz, i wont know wat to say at that point of time....
All the above are all accumulated together one...
All these came into my mind when i was having problems with alot of things(since abt begining of the year)...
There were nights that i lost slp...my mind is juz thinking of alot alot of things....
I tot of juz ending my life...
REALLY!!!and i swear!!!
U all maybe thinking that, aiya...juz say say only right??
Wenting kill herself???not possible one....
Wenting juz attracting attention....
For this few months, my life juz sucks ok??
I feel like a bitch....slut...and anything bad that i can think of.....
Being blame for almost anything...and MY MOTHER and FATHER!!!!
I dunno wat else to say...
But, i really dun feel like meeting u all now...after all the tags....esp, the last fews.....
All i can say....Im sorry...
its my fault...
all my fault...
Maybe its better for the 8 of u to forget me ba...
It would be easier for u all ba....
I really appreciate those happy times u all gave me...
I will always rmb the 8 of u....
Lastly, pls dun be affected by wat i said....
if i offended anyone in my post...
I dun mean it...cuz i juz telling u all how i feel...
Facing u all...i cant say it out...
Sorry...from the bottom of my heart...
